


Just say goodbye and walk it out

by armillarysphere



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-18
Updated: 2011-05-18
Packaged: 2017-10-19 13:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/201212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/armillarysphere/pseuds/armillarysphere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, imagine if Steve didn't go to the Governor's house before Danny arrived with those beers... spoilers for the season 1 finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just say goodbye and walk it out

Steve’s asleep on the couch when Danny pushes his way through the front door, a pack of beer under each arm, two cigars in his trouser pocket, and his heart in his throat. Danny swallows as he watches Steve sleep for a moment, closing the door as quietly as he can. He feels bad waking him up, but – but if he’s leaving tomorrow night, then he has to tell him now. He perches on the arm of the chair opposite, letting his gaze run down over Steve’s body, taking in the way he’s still tense, even in his sleep. His hands are curled into the cushions under his face, eyebrows drawn together as though he’s thinking hard about something. It’s only a minute or so before he’s waking up, rubbing his face with one hand as he pushes himself up with the other, blinking at Danny, apparently surprised to see him.

“Danny?”

“Hey, babe. I wasn’t sure if – I brought beer.”

“Okay.”

Danny moves and sits next to him when he sits up, rubbing itching palms over his thighs, digging his fingernails in above his knees. He lets out a long breath, shaky sounding to even his own ears, but if there’s one thing Danny Williams is good at, it’s manning up, biting the bullet.

“You okay?”

“I’m – I don’t know what I am, Steve.”

And this, this is so wrong, right here. He should be _happy_ , fucking _delirious_ , that he and Rachel are back and it’s going to be better this time, and they’re having another baby and God, he’s already been daydreaming in the car about it being a boy this time, and all the ball games they can go to back in Jersey, and how Grace is going to be an amazing big sister. But this is so fucking hard.

Steve – Steve’s leaning forward, ripping open the nearest pack of beer and grabbing two, opening them with the hem of his shirt and tapping the neck of his against Danny’s. The condensation sweats over Danny’s already damp fingers when he rolls the bottle between his palms. Steve’s gaze rests heavy on the side of his face, and he knows he should just spit it out, spill his guts right here on Steve’s living room floor, and it’s just like all the other almosts and maybes except now it’s more than likely never was and could’ve been.

“Rachel, she called.”

“I remember. Something happen to Gracie? Is she all right?”

Danny reaches his hand out to hold Steve’s wrist when he jumps, as if ready to get to his feet and fly off to save her. That damned Superman complex, that’s what’s got him in trouble. He rubs his thumb over the soft skin on the inside of Steve’s arm and pulls him back. He can’t seem to let go.

“She’s fine, I promise, sit down. I’m not letting you go anywhere until you’ve had some decent sleep, and the nap I caught you taking on this couch just now in no way counts.”

“So, what did – are you guys –?”

Danny nods, looking at the V of Steve’s t-shirt rather than at his face, concentrating all his efforts on that spot of clothing, not daring to lift his eyes to meet Steve’s. He’s a coward and he knows it, but fuck if his insides aren’t devouring themselves in his chest. His heart is being consumed by enough.

“Fuck, Danny, she’s still married to Stan.”

“I know, okay? I know that. I’m not an idiot; I know what I’m doing, what I have been doing. We both do.”

“So what? She’s leaving him? She’s gonna move out of that big fancy house and move into your place? I don’t think it’s made for three people, Danny.”

Steve wrenches his arm away from Danny’s grasp; anger bleeding through his words that Danny admits isn’t entirely misplaced. He pushes himself away, moving up the couch, and Danny could almost think it’s good, that they’re already putting distance between them, because come tomorrow, there’s going to be more than just a few inches separating them, and the sooner they come to terms with it, the better.

The thought freezes in his gut, stabs through his chest, and he wouldn’t be surprised if he looked down and saw a deep red stain spreading across his shirt.

Instead he says -

“Four.”

“Four what?”

“Four people, not three.”

“What are you talking about?”

Danny looks down at his bottle, wishing for a genie that’s never going to appear.

“Rachel’s pregnant. It’s mine.”

Steve doesn’t make a sound, but Danny’s still too much of a coward to look over, keeps looking into the bottle.

“And you’re sure about that?”

“Yes, I’m sure. She told me it’s mine, so it’s mine. She and Stan haven’t been – it’s mine, okay?”

Steve snorts, slamming his bottle down on the coffee table with enough force to send some of it shooting out over the sides. Danny watches it slide down and pool around the bottom, dripping off the edge onto the floor.

“Damn it, Danny, you can’t even look at me! Look me in the eye and tell me you know for sure.”

Danny snaps his head up when Steve grabs his tie, and there, that look, that fucking _face_ is why Danny hasn’t made eye contact once since he sat down.

“I know, okay? I know!”

“She’s lied to you before, why not now?”

“This is none of your fucking business, Steven.”

“Then why are you here?”

They’re too close again; Danny can feel Steve’s fast breaths on his cheek, he can see the red around his eyes that hasn’t really faded all day, and fuck, why _is_ Danny here? Why is this all happening now?

“Because I wanted you to hear it from me. Because I wanted to say I’m sorry. Because I wanted to say goodbye.”

“Goodbye? What are you talking about?”

“Rachel – I – we – we’re going back to Jersey. Tomorrow night. Red-eye flight to Newark.”

“Tomorrow night? What about Gracie’s school? What about Five-0?”

Danny closes his eyes, wishing he couldn’t hear the unspoken ‘What about me?’ but it’s louder than anything Steve actually said. It’s not fair.

“School’s almost done for the summer; she can make it up in Jersey. I’m gonna come back once we’re settled and wrap everything up, but after that... I need to be with my family, Steve, and I have a second chance at getting it right, a second chance I never thought I’d get.”

“Don’t bother.”

“Don’t bother what?”

“Coming back.”

“Steve, I – ”

Danny grabs Steve’s wrist again when he moves back, dropping his beer on the floor with a distant thud to take hold of Steve’s shoulder, keeping him in place, twisting his fingers in Steve’s shirt as he hauls him in again, pressing his forehead to Steve’s. Danny closes his eyes, both of them breathing heavily, almost in sync.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, okay?”

“Fuck you.”

“Steve...”

Danny’s heart is splitting painfully down the middle, and he can’t open his eyes again, he just can’t. He’ll walk out of here and keep them shut until he’s backed out of the drive if he has to.

“Tell Rachel to stay. Tell her –“

Danny covers Steve’s mouth with his hand, fingers throbbing a little from where he’s had Steve’s shirt wrapped around them so tightly. He wonders if Steve can feel them shaking when he moves his hand away, dragging his thumb over Steve’s bottom lip as he goes, and fuck it, fuck it all – Danny opens his eyes.

He keeps his hand on Steve’s face, and they are so deep into last chance saloon territory right now, so fucking deep, and Danny’s drowning, suffocating, smothered by the look on Steve’s face, the red circles around his eyes that shimmer and glisten. They both let out a breath, ragged and unsteady, and Danny’s fingers are still trembling, skittering over Steve’s stubbled cheek as he moves to cup his jaw.

When their lips meet it’s hello and goodbye and too late and not soon enough, all rolled into one. It’s breathless and angry, Steve’s teeth catching on Danny’s bottom lip, Danny’s fingers digging into Steve’s neck, Steve’s hands pulling at Danny’s hair. A final battle that’s going to leave more than physical scars.

Danny’s heart is in pieces when they pull apart, and it doesn’t even feel wrong that right now, the biggest piece seems to have Steve’s name written across it.

“I should go.”

Steve only gives him a nod in response, eyes cast down, eyelashes wet. Danny tries to swallow but the lump in his throat doesn’t let him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. You need to sleep. Don’t – don’t do anything stupid.”

Steve grunts, pushing away from Danny and getting to his feet, reclaiming his beer from the table as he goes. He’s still looking at the floor when Danny gets up as well, grabbing the front of Steve’s shirt again.

“Steve. Promise me.”

“Just go, Danny.”

Danny can see the walls going back up, slowly but surely, closing Steve off from the rest of the world. He lets go of Steve’s shirt, stepping back, keeps going until he reaches the front door. He looks around the room, ostensibly for the last time, clearing his throat to keep back the flood of memories and words that threaten to break through the dam of his mind.

In the end, there isn’t any more to say except –

“Bye, Steve.”


End file.
